Your first hotel takeover

A hotel takeover is exactly what it sounds like: for one weekend a host rents the whole hotel, or a whole floor of it, and everyone inside is part of the lifestyle. It is the format most first timers find easiest, because you are never the only couple in the room who knows why they are there, and it is the format that produces most of the searches that land people on SwingTap. This is what actually happens from booking to checkout, what it costs, and the handful of things nobody prints on the ticket page.

What a takeover actually is

There are three sizes, and the word "takeover" gets used for all of them.

The full buyout. A host contracts an entire hotel, usually 60 to 200 rooms, for two or three nights. Every guest has bought a ticket. The lobby, the pool, the bar and the ballroom are private, and the hotel's own staff work the weekend knowing what it is. This is the classic takeover and the one worth travelling for. The big annual ones in Florida, Texas, Las Vegas and New Orleans sell out months ahead and are searched by name, with the year attached.

The floor or wing takeover. The host books a block of rooms on one floor plus a hospitality suite or a ballroom. The rest of the hotel has ordinary guests, so the public areas are shared and the party is behind a door. Cheaper, closer to home, and the right first step if a full weekend away feels like a lot.

The resort takeover. A lifestyle host takes over all or part of a clothing-optional resort abroad, most often in Mexico or Jamaica, for a week. These are the ones behind searches like "Desire takeover" and "Hedonism week". Everything is included, the programme runs all day, and the price reflects it.

The categories on our takeovers listing and hotel parties listing follow that split, and each event page says which kind it is and what the ticket includes.

How the weekend runs

Friday afternoon: check-in. You check into the hotel as normal, then find the host's registration table, usually in the lobby or a hospitality suite. That is where your wristband, your schedule and your room-door hanger come from. At a SwingTap-listed event the check-in is a QR code at the table; scanning it is what marks you as present and, if the host runs verification, what earns your verified badge. Nobody photographs your ID and nothing about you goes on a list anyone else can see.

Friday evening: the meet and greet. Almost every takeover opens with a casual party, no theme, drinks, a DJ, and a lot of people finding out who else came. This is the most useful two hours of the weekend for a first timer. Talk to everyone. Ask how many of these they have been to. The couples who have been to twenty will tell you exactly how the weekend works and who runs it well.

Saturday daytime: the pool. On a full buyout the pool is private and the dress code is whatever the host says it is, which is often "optional". Daytime is social, not sexual. It is where the people you met on Friday become people you actually know.

Saturday night: the main party. Themed, dressed up, and the reason most people came. The ballroom or the largest suite becomes the dance floor. Somewhere else in the hotel, usually a designated floor or a large suite with the furniture rearranged, is the play area, with its own host or monitor at the door.

Sunday: brunch and goodbyes. Most takeovers end with a late breakfast where everyone is in ordinary clothes and swapping contact details. This is the point where the platform matters: the people you actually met are saved in your People I Met list, the event's lounge stays open afterwards, and you are not trying to remember a first name from a hallway at one in the morning.

What it costs, honestly

Three lines, and read all three before you compare two events.

• The event ticket. For a couple, roughly 150 to 400 dollars for a domestic weekend takeover, covering the parties, the DJ, the play area and the host's staff. The big annual conventions run higher and include far more programming. Single men, where admitted at all, pay more and are limited in number; single women often pay less or nothing.
• The room. Booked through the host's room block at a group rate, usually 150 to 300 dollars a night. You cannot normally book the hotel direct for a full buyout, because the host holds the whole inventory. If an event lets you book anywhere, it is a floor takeover, not a buyout.
• The rest. Drinks unless the ticket says otherwise, tips, the door games, and the theme-night outfits, which people spend more on than they admit.

A fair all-in figure for a couple at a two-night domestic takeover is 700 to 1,200 dollars. Resort weeks abroad are a different scale and the event page will say so.

The rules nobody prints

Every takeover has a printed code of conduct. These are the parts that are true everywhere and rarely written down.

Ask the woman first. When approaching a couple, the conversation goes through her, and the invitation, if there is one, comes from both of them. This is the oldest rule in the lifestyle and it is the one first timers most often get wrong by accident.

Phones stay in the room. Cameras in the party space and the play area are the fastest way to be escorted out. Most hosts collect or sticker phones at the play-area door. The event's own photographer, if there is one, asks before every shot.

The play area has its own etiquette. Watching is allowed; joining is by invitation; a closed door is closed. Clean up, use the towels, and leave the room how you found it. The monitor at the door is there for you, not against you.

Hotel staff are colleagues, not guests. They agreed to work the weekend. Tip well, be dressed in the lobby if the host says so, and remember the housekeeping team sees everything on Sunday morning.

What to pack

• One outfit per theme night. The theme is on the event page; take it seriously, people do.
• Swimwear, and a cover-up for the walk from the lift.
• A robe. Hallways at a takeover are a fashion show and a robe is the uniform.
• Comfortable shoes. You will walk the hotel more than you expect.
• Your own protection and lube. Hosts usually provide some; never rely on it.
• A small bag for the play area with the above plus a towel.
• Cash for tips and games, your ticket, and ID for hotel check-in.
• Toiletries. Hotel supplies run out on takeover weekends every single time.

Going as a first timer

Pick a floor takeover or a smaller full buyout rather than one of the giant annual conventions; two hundred people you can meet, two thousand you cannot. Read the host's rules and the theme nights before you buy. Arrive Friday, not Saturday, because the meet and greet is where the weekend is won. Agree with your partner beforehand what you both want out of it and what the signal is if either of you wants to leave a room. Then go to the parties, talk to people, and treat the play area as optional. Most first timers do exactly that, have a great weekend, and come back to the same host's next event with a list of people they already know.

Finding one

Takeovers are listed with the host, the hotel, the dates, the theme nights and what the ticket covers on the takeovers page, and the smaller hotel events on the hotel parties page. Each event shows how many people have said they are going and, once it starts, who has checked in, so the "will anyone actually be there" question answers itself. You can browse all of it without an account.