What to wear to a swinger party

Read the event's dress code and follow it. Without a theme, dress for a smart night out and then a little bolder: a fitted dress or skirt for women, dark trousers and a good shirt for men, and good shoes for both. Bring something to change into if the venue has lockers. Jeans, shorts and trainers are the things most likely to get you turned away.

The default: cocktail, turned up a notch

Lifestyle events are noticeably dressier than a regular bar, and regulars make an effort. When the listing says nothing about a theme, aim for the outfit you would wear to a good restaurant on a special occasion, then add one bolder element.

For women

• A fitted dress, or a skirt and a top you feel good in.
• Heels you can actually stand in for four hours, or elegant flats.
• Lingerie underneath that you would be happy to be seen in, because later in the evening some people change down to it.
• A wrap or jacket for the walk in and out.

For men

• Dark, well-fitting trousers.
• A good shirt, or a fitted black tee at more casual events.
• Clean leather shoes or smart boots.
• A trimmed beard or a close shave, and a light hand with cologne.

Common theme nights, decoded

Theme	What it means
White party	Everyone in white, head to toe if possible. Linen, white dresses, white lingerie.
Black and red	Outfits in black, red or both. Red accessories on black clothes count.
Lingerie night	Lingerie as the outfit for women, often with a robe or cover-up for arrival. Men usually wear boxer briefs, fitted trousers, or whatever the host specifies.
Masquerade	A mask is required, the rest is elegant. Masks often come off later in the evening.
Fetish or leather	Leather, latex, harnesses, corsets. Many fetish nights enforce the code strictly: ordinary clubwear is refused.
Pajama party	Silk sets, nightdresses, robes. Playful rather than literal.
Holiday themes	Halloween is the big one. Costume effort is expected, and the clever ones get remembered.

Themes are set by each host and can mean slightly different things in different places. If the listing is unclear, ask the host. They would much rather answer a question than turn someone away.

By type of event

Club night

Cocktail default, theme if there is one, change of clothes in a bag if there are lockers. Our guide to your first club night covers the rest of the evening.

House party

Usually a little more relaxed than a club, but still dressed up. Ask the host, and bring something to change into.

Hotel takeover

Pack one outfit for each theme night, plus swimwear for the pool, a robe, and something presentable for the lobby, where the hotel's other rules may still apply. The hotel takeover guide has a full packing list.

Lifestyle cruise

Theme nights every evening, swimwear for the day, and ordinary clothes for port days and public areas. See how lifestyle cruises work.

What not to wear

• Jeans, shorts, work boots, trainers and baseball caps, unless the event explicitly says casual.
• Anything you would hate to have splashed. Bars are busy.
• Very revealing outfits for the walk in. Arrive covered, change inside. Neighbours and hotel guests did not sign up for your evening.
• Loud signals you do not mean. Some accessories carry meaning in the lifestyle. Our guide to the upside down pineapple and other signals explains which.

Practical things to bring

• A small bag with a change of clothes, toiletries and a phone charger.
• ID and your ticket or confirmation.
• Cash for the coat check, lockers or tips.
• Your own protection, even if the venue provides it.

Every event in the SwingTap event finder shows the details the host publishes, dress code included when they give one. Members can also ask other guests in the event's lounge what they are wearing, which is the easiest way to get it right.